The Invisible Work of Mothering: What Stay-at-Home Parents Really Do
“What do you even do all day? There are dishes in the sink, and the laundry hasn’t been folded.”
Hearing that from my spouse was hard. It wasn’t just about the chores; it felt like my daily role as a mother were being overlooked.
Parenting is often questioned, especially for stay-at-home parents. We are sometimes criticized for focusing on our children, while being expected to manage everything else perfectly. But mothering is more than completing household tasks. It is constant care, attention, and emotional labor that often goes unseen.
What Stay-at-Home Parents Actually Do
During my time as a stay-at-home parent, I was rarely just at home. My children thrive on being out and about, whether visiting friends, playing at our favorite park, or helping me at the grocery store. Every outing requires planning, energy, and constant attention. Every interaction, from calming a fussy toddler to teaching sharing on the playground, is part of the work of parenting that often goes unnoticed. Don’t forget safety monitoring; my daughter was a runner.
Examples of daily parenting work:
Grocery store trips: Keeping a toddler safe while shopping, explaining why they cannot grab everything, and entertaining an infant in the stroller.
Playground visits: Carrying a baby while watching a running toddler, helping kids navigate social conflicts, and monitoring everyone in a busy space.
Daily routines: Dressing children in weather appropriate AND clean clothing, preparing meals, managing nap schedules, and preventing meltdowns.
Emotional labor: Remembering appointments, managing schedules, soothing fears, and holding space for children’s feelings.
Parenting is not a checklist. It is a rhythm full of small victories, challenges, and moments of connection. The dishes and laundry may wait, but the love, guidance, and presence we give our children cannot be measured.
Tips for Partners to Support Stay-at-Home Parents
Supporting a stay-at-home parent goes beyond helping with chores. Here are practical ways partners can show understanding and share the load:
Recognize invisible labor: Parenting involves more than household tasks. Notice the mental and emotional work that often goes unseen.
Ask instead of assume: Before making a critical comment, ask how the day went or what you can do to help. A simple “I see how much you’re doing today” can make a big difference.
Share the load strategically: Take the baby out for a walk while the parent focuses on the older child, or handle a meal or laundry task without being asked.
Celebrate small wins: Notice the little victories, like surviving a toddler meltdown, helping siblings play together, or keeping routines on track.
Check in emotionally: Parenting can feel isolating. Listening without judgment and showing empathy provides crucial support.
Parenting is demanding, often exhausting, and deeply rewarding. Supporting each other with understanding and compassion helps everyone feel seen, valued, and less alone. Recognizing the invisible work of parenting and finding practical ways to help can make a meaningful difference for families every day.
